Single women often ask me for advice on finding a good mate. I think back to when I was single and those things that I reflected on. I knew that I first needed to do a self-inventory. You’re so quick to blame someone else for your loneliness or your singleness. Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of women that are content with being single. That’s perfectly fine. However, most women are not. It’s different with men. Men have a lot more options. Typically, if a man is not married by a certain age, he probably doesn’t want to be or he’s been married before. It gets more difficult for a woman as she gets older. She’s competing with twenty-something-year-old women. Also, as we get older, we want men that are more grounded. It seems like it gets more difficult to find men that we want to spend time with let alone marry. We have to know what we want and who we are. Here are some practical self-inventory tips.
1. Who am I? Basically, what makes you unique? How would you describe yourself? Think about these things and write them down.
2. What are my interests? What types of activities do you enjoy? What are you passionate about? Do most of them involve people or are they activities that you do alone?
3. How about your friends? You choose your friends as well as you choose a potential mate. You tend to hang out with those people that you have something in common with. Are most of your friends male or female? Married or single? Why are they your friends? Write down your reasons.
4. What are your goals? I like to keep a list of my goals visible where I can see them each day. What do you want to accomplish? How much time are you allotting to fulfill these goals?
5. Do I enjoy being by myself? This is important because if you don’t enjoy spending time alone, how do expect someone else to enjoy your company? Being alone does not mean that you’re lonely. I know many single women that unattached and are always on the go.
6. Ask your good girlfriends what they think of you. This does not mean that you have a negative self-image. You want to know the type of vibe that you give off.
7. How is your spiritual life? Do you pray? If you do pray, do you believe that your prayers will be answered? What is your view on religion? This also plays a role.
This is a great way to get your thoughts working. Once you know who you are and what you want, then you’ll know what you’re looking for in a mate. Now that you’ve done a self-inventory, you can look at your grooming habits. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but good grooming is still important.
Hair- These days, anything goes. Many women are opting for a natural look. It’s about what makes you comfortable, as long as your hair is clean. Some men prefer long hair, but not a weave. (If you have a good weave, he may not even notice).
Nails- You don’t have to go to the salon or the spa to get them done. It is nice to do sometimes. You only need a nail file and a flattering nail polish color. As the weather gets warmer, you may opt to wear open-toed shoes or sandals. Pretty feet is a must in the case. It is such a turnoff to see women wearing sandals with rough, dry feet and ragged nails.
Make-up- You’ve heard that less is more. The key to wearing make-up is to look like you’re not wearing any. Men typically like a natural look.
Clothes- The clothes that you wear should flatter your figure. You don’t want to wear clothes that are too tight-fitting. This may send the wrong message, and you should leave a little to the imagination. You don’t have to be a size 6. Some men like full-figured women.
You don’t have to go places purposely to meet men. Make it a part of your normal routine. Focus on the things that you are passionate about, whether it’s your career, a hobby, or helping others. Believe me, if you’re a positive person enjoying life, others, specifically men, will notice you. So, live life to the fullest, doing the activities that you enjoy the most. Go ahead and try this out. Let me know how things work out!