“Isn’t it ever enough?”
A female friend asked me this, recently, concerning the Anthony Weiner scandal–a respected, young Congressman with a beautiful wife, sending sexy photos of himself to other women. Isn’t it enough that he already has a beautiful wife?
And how about Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock? Isn’t it enough that a motorcycle shop guy is married to a movie star?
The short answer, ladies, is no. (The long answer is yes. More on that later.) Instinctively, men want to have sex with as many beautiful women as possible. I think most of you know this, but are unwilling to accept it.
Queens Of Competition
Furthermore, men aren’t the only ones for whom it isn’t enough. Come on, admit it, ladies! During your club-going days, you routinely flirted, danced and sometimes even made out with several guys in the same night. Some of you went home with one guy on a Friday night, and another guy on a Saturday night. Some of you went home with a guy one night, and then went home to your boyfriends or husbands in the same night.
Okay, maybe you weren’t a party girl. Even still, some of you “good girls”–in happy, committed relationships–have gotten carried away in the moment with a hot guy. You thought you’d never be unfaithful. You were judgmental of those who were–until it happened to you.
Some of you willfully cast discretion aside for a fling, out of revenge or just plain boredom. I have a female friend whom I’ve known for many years. She is a major beauty pageant winner, a respected member of her community, a church-going wife and mother of three. And yet, when she ran into her first boyfriend a few years ago (not me, by the way), she couldn’t resist the temptation to have sex with him, for old time’s sake.
Guess what she did afterward? She went home and had the most passionate sex with her husband that she’d had in years! I asked her if she felt guilty about the fling. She said, “Oddly, no.”
I happened to be reading a book, at the time, called ” Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict and Other Bedroom Matters”, in which evolutionary biologist Robin Baker posits that women are biologically programmed to set up competitions between men. These often take the form of jealous rivalries amongst suitors. But they also take place in the uterus. And what queen doesn’t relish a good joust, both in and out of the womb?
According to Baker, women are more prone to affairs when they are ovulating. They are instinctively driven, during these fertile periods, to acquire seed from the most dominant farmers in their vicinity. The farmers they married probably had the best tractors available at the time. But maybe, let’s say, those farmers haven’t properly maintained their equipment. And several other farmers, nearby, now have better tractors. As a result, Baker says, 10% of our fathers are not who we think they are.
How To Keep Your Man To Yourself
So, isn’t it ever enough? Can a man and a woman find sexual satisfaction exclusively with each other? Yes, as long as both partners remember that the dance of love doesn’t stop after commitment. Men will be men, and women will be women. Men will always be drawn to a variety of women. And women will always test their men.
I worked in the service industry for many years. If I had received a dollar every time a woman flirted with me in front of her date, I could have afforded, then, to take a woman out and watch her flirt with the valet.
Meanwhile, here’s my advice–keep dating your man, no matter how long you’ve been together. Keep doing the things that attracted him, in the first place. Feel free to tease him, test him; even make him jealous. Go all “party girl” on him, every once in a while. Just make sure he knows that you mean it playfully, not punitively.
And, lastly, don’t blame or punish him for being attracted to other women. Take solace in knowing that you succeeded where other women failed–you got him to commit. If he’s broken that commitment, then, yes, he deserves to be spanked. And, who knows? He might even enjoy that!