Let’s just start by getting the obvious out of the way. Wonder Woman might have been billed as a superhero for little girls, but she was created by a man, whose knack for action packed fiction seems to have spilled over into sexual fantasy. She is a long limbed Amazonian woman running around in what can only be described as a one piece bathing suit. The outfit comes complete with tiara and a pair of high heel boots. She yields a magic lasso the way a dominatrix would handle a whip, and whenever she’s captured by the bad guys, she’s held in a basement, spread eagle and chained to a wall. She’s not exactly the kind of role model parents wanted their daughters to follow in the early 1960’s, and it’s easy to understand why the early feminist rejected her. The old school Gloria Steinman feminist didn’t want Wonder Woman as a symbol for their movement because the very fact that she could be objectified as a sexual object struck at the very heart of what they were trying to accomplish. Wonder Woman was turned away and that certainly was the feminist’s prerogative. But fifty years later, Wonder Woman still doesn’t get invited to speak at the meetings, and this has me scratching my head and asking, why?
Look, let’s be honest. Feminism has reinvented itself more times than Microsoft has updated it windows system. What passes for feminism today is not even close to what its founders had in mind, and for some of us men, there are times when we wouldn’t recognize it if it hit us in the face with a POW! All I know is that somewhere in the movement, sexuality became a superpower in its own right, and therefore to keep rejecting Wonder Woman as potential member because she’s too sexual doesn’t make sense any more. The bra itself went from a symbol of restraint to a shield of armour worn proudly across a woman’s chest, and to be honest with you, there are times when I’m not sure if I should look upon it with respect or fear. Women have never underestimated the power sexuality or the V cut cleavage, and you feminist know it. When Erin Brockovich used it, the feminist movement welcomed her with open arms. So why do you reject Wonder Woman for the same? I find it ironic that it isn’t Wonder Woman herself who has changed over the years but rather the whole definition of what it means to be a good feminist in the world today. She may not have been the best symbol for the bra burning feminist of the 1970’s, but by today’s standards, she almost a perfect fit of what passes for a 21st century feminist. This can only lead one to the conclusion that you feminist are being nothing more than a bunch of hypocrites. So what’s up with that girlfriend?
If you think about it, Wonder Woman is the type of gal that should give a modern feminist the big O. I mean, take the issue of equal pay for example. She still has yet to break the glass ceiling, because quite frankly, she doesn’t get paid. Batman’s alter ego Bruce Wayne gets millions of dollars from the Wayne Corporation, whose subsidiary companies are contracted by the city of Gotham every time the Joker comes to town and blows up a building. Peter Parker snaps pictures of himself as Spiderman slinging from building to building and then sells them to the paper. As a military jet pilot, the Green Lantern can easily help to land the big government contract, and Superman’s day job as reporter Clark Kent practically guarantees he will be first on the scene for any Superman related news story. I mean, if you didn’t know any better, you would think there was some kind of good ole boy network going on here. All I can say to this is that we live in a material world, and girl should be able to get her fair share of the rewards. So why not let Wonder Woman join the club? It’s time for you feminists to rush to her aid. You mothers should be bringing your children to the protest chanting, “Equal pay will save the day!” After all, isn’t sisterhood about being there for one another?
Wonder Woman practically redefines many of the roles in modern day feminism such as rape and gender violence. I mean really, what guy wants to go jail and have to tell the other inmates that he was beaten up by a girl? Not many.
Plus, let’s not forget the lesbian angle; after all she does come from an island without men! I know the subject has never come up as to whether Wonder Woman goes one way or the other, but I imagine when you’re stuck on an island with nothing but beautiful women, and puberty hits, well, there’s bound to be a little experimentation. And if I understand my contemporary feminism correctly, that’s a big big plus. So I ask you again ladies, why not accept Wonder Woman as one of your own?
Of course, Wonder Woman will face her share of political opposition. After all, she came to this country illegally, flying across the border in an invisible plane that the government can’t track. Since most superheroes are here illegally anyway, I imagine we could just grandfather them all in under an immigration bill that grants amnesty. This would make Wonder Woman a female minority (That’s another point in her favor, right?) As for the plane, she’ll have to deal with the fact that owning a private jet isn’t going to go over well with the Occupy Wall Street crowd. Since she’s working on our side, however, the government might be willing to overlook the stealth technology. The problem is that I’m given to understand that people who own their own jets are considered part of the 1%, and therefore are subject to higher taxes. She might need a tax lawyer. And that cost money.
Then of course there is the big issue of abortion. You can’t save orphans from a burning building on Friday night and then attend the rally at the capitol Saturday morning. She’s going to have choose a side. I’m just going leave that one up to her. But ladies, if Wonder Woman doesn’t fit the bill of what the modern day feminist desires, then I’m not sure who does. I won’t say that you have to let her in, but I would be greatly disappointed if you rejected her again. I will say this. If Wonder Woman gets rejected by the feminist again, I’ll take comfort in the idea that Wonder Woman will just keep doing what she does. And that’s just fine with me.
YOU GO GIRL!