WWE superstar wrestler Darren Young became the first wrestler in that organization’s history to come out of the closet when he announced during an interview last week that he was gay.
That took guts. It paved the way for me to do the same thing and come out of the closet and admit I am a wrestling fan.
There. I wrote it and I am glad.
For years, my wife has used her insider knowledge of my wrestling affliction as a potent weapon, threatening to expose me if I didn’t toe the line.
Take the following example.
“I have asked you to take out the garbage three times and it’s still there. Take it out now or I will post on my Facebook page that you like to watch muscular men in tights twine their legs together in the Figure Four Leg Lock.”
She has picked up just enough wresting terms through osmosis to make it sound convincing, too. I mean, how would she know the hold unless the TV was turned to wrestling? But I ask you, is it fair to continually hold the Sword of Damocles over your husband’s head? It is a dirty trick worthy of WWE villain Jack Swagger.
Well, the sword’s gone now, honey, swept away (provided enough people read this confession) like the pretenders to the wrestling throne when Hulk Hogan [Unlink] was King of the Ring.
Now, everyone knows rasslin’ – at least those who haven’t had their brain squeezed out of an ear while in a nasty headlock – is like a soap opera.
The gladiators are really skilled acrobats and gymnasts and nobody is beating the bejeezus out of anybody.
The biggest threat to wrestlers is injury. Right now, popular superstar John Cena [Unlink] is out of the ring for four to six months with a torn triceps, for example.
The biggest risk is for the women – called Divas – is when they have their implants explode when being thrown around the ring. It gives bust a whole new meaning. When a Diva is out of action for a couple of months, that is usually the reason.
One more tale before I go.
I was watching wrestling on a recent night and I’d had a couple of beers.
I got carried away and decide to challenge my Jack Russell Terrier [Unlink], Quinte, to a rasslin’ match.
I got down on the carpet on my knees and, always ready to play, she came at me.
Just for fun I laid on my back, figuring she would pounce, then I’d get her in a headlock and pin her.
Quinte took the bait, and jumped on my chest as I lay prone on the floor, but she was too fast and escaped. She charged again, this time reared up on her back legs, her front ones apart, and fire in her eyes, like a Kodiak bear about to attack.
She was on my chest again. Before I could grab her I heard a rapid fire “One-Two-Three.” The dog had pinned my shoulders to the carpet, thanks to a fast count by my wife.
If there is a rematch, I demand an impartial referee.
If you want to learn more about wrestling, here’s a few websites:
Top 50 Villains in wresting history: http://www.wwe.com/classics/classic-lists/top-50-wrestling-villains
John Cena out with injury: http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/2013-08-19/cena-to-undergo-triceps-surgery-26142026
Interview ends when interviewer asks Diva about exploding implants: http://www.pwmania.com/kelly-kelly-says-shes-all-real-discusses-joining-wwe-more#.UhdV2xbvz1w